2005 and my words of wisdom.

In reltionship
1. When all is said and done, using Uncle Benjamin to woo a woman will only get you the wrath of Aunt Flow.
2. While a player does all the big things, a prince will do all the little things.
3. Shopping should be like a new relationship…the quicker you get in and out the less time and money you spend.
4. You don’t leave the ones you love when they need you.
5. Your digestive system is like a relationship…the more you put into it, the more waste you’ll have coming out.
6. Is the hope of a life happily ever after enough to make former couples forget the hurt of good intentions gone awry and neglect acknowledging the frailty of things once broken?
7. Happy wife = happy life.
8. A relationship is like catching an airline flight…the less baggage the better.
9. Potstickers are like a first kiss…keep it [the filling] simple, and you won’t leave with a bad taste in your mouth.
10. [Re: metrosexuals] In a society where women are becoming more like men, one cannot be surprised to surmise that the men are becoming more like women.
11. I don’t break hearts. I fix them.

Random

1. True strength is not evidenced by your heart’s ability to withstand a beating…but rather in its ability to heal.
2. Finding a size XXL shirt in Banana Republic is like trying to find a male worker there who isn’t gay…you just can’t!
3. To give of yourself, without hesitation or regret…that, my friends, is the greatest gift of all.
4. Lactose intolerance is like being born ugly. There’s nothing you can do to prevent it from happening and people don’t like to stand next to you.
5. It doesn’t matter how clean your house is, cockroaches are like the Jehovah’s Witnesses…they always find a way through your front door.
6. Medaling in the Winter Olympics is like cleaning out Bingo Night at the local elderly home. You’ll get lots of whistling and celebration, but no one will remember it come next Tuesday.
7. Life on this earth is too short to encumber yourself with bitterness.
8. The best beer still tastes like sterile urine from an uncontrolled diabetic.
9. The ability of our human race in producing beauty can be eclipsed only by the propensity with which we seek the slippery slope.
10. [Re: anorexia/bulimia] It’s hard to shake it like a polaroid picture when you only have negatives.
11. It is in the absence of knowledge that ignorance takes root, but whether or not that sprouts into bigotry is up to you.
12. Don’t find your identity in some fad or group…find it in yourself. For it is in our differences–and not our similarities–that we truly find the ability to complement one another.